User talk:Lovely wyvern
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Yellow worms page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. You can also read some of the best stories our wiki has to offer by checking out Suggested Reading. Finally, you can check out stories written by authors of the wiki in User Stories. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 12:15, October 31, 2018 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:19, October 31, 2018 (UTC) Re: Story Your story was deleted because it failed to meet quality standards for the site due to a number of punctuation, grammatical, wording, and story issues. I would strongly suggest using the writer's workshop (link above) if you plan on re-working this and making an appeal because there are quite a lot of issues here (likely even some I'm overlooking). Formatting issues: Starting with the basics, indenting paragraphs in the wiki format can cause issues that make the text unreadable. While it has no bearing on the deletion of your story, it is a helpful thing to be aware of because it can result in white box errors. Capitalization and punctuation errors: You have a tendency to not capitalize proper nouns, put apostrophes in possessive words, and use commas in sentence breaks. "accidentally broke grumpy old man jakes (Jake's) window with a baseball", "I just started shaking(,) something I have never done out of the blue like this.", "I walked up to the barn where all the animals would be(,) expecting to see my favorite pig Shane run up to me." Grammatical issues: Their=possession, there=indicatory, they're=they are. "All the remaining animals were holding onto there (their) last breath(,)", "they were missing eyes and chunks of there (their) face", "On the road their (there) were dead animals, but they were not road kill", etc. Wording issues: There are a number of awkward wording errors here as well as homophone issues. "You’re likely reading this right now and will soon be thinking that you could find a cure or something that will end what ever the hell this thing is, but all you’ll find is one scary little story that you have to believe.", "Fearing for the worst, I slowly walked in and nearly vomited at the grotesque sight that I had to witness.", "I poked the lifeless body with a stick and the worms latched onto the stick (redundant), but one jumped and latched (redundant) onto my arm.", "I couldn’t bare (bear) the pain", etc. I strongly suggest reading your story aloud to yourself and if you stumble on a phrase, generally that's an area that could use reworking. Story issues: While the mechanical errors can be fixed simply enough, the story issues are going to require a lot more work. First and foremost, the story feels rushed due to you trying to jump into the horror right away. The protagonist gets out of the car and almost immediately encounters the worms with little preamble or building-up to the horror. Story issues cont.: The major issues is how the story is being told. It really doesn't work that the protagonist is recounting these events shortly after they happened or as they are happening (see the ending). Remember that the protagonist is writing this (apparently) moments after discovering their parents' bodies (likely in the house where their corpses are and an infestation of the worms): "I was going to walk it off before visiting my parents; that was the gravest mistake I have ever made." Not only does this raise questions of why they're writing this, but also why they're still in the area. They drove there and clearly these worms are a threat due to them killing the protagonist's parents and attacking the character themselves. Why would they stay and write this? Story issues cont.: Then there's the ending. Why exactly are they writing while they're being attacked: "OH GOD, HELP! THEY ARE POURING OUT OF MY HAND. THERE ARE TOO MANY! THEY ARE EATING ME!!!" I can't help but look at this line from earlier: "They grabbed onto my leg. I started ripping them off one by one. When I finally got them all off, little tiny holes appeared on my leg and hands" They panicked when they were attacked and tore them off of their body one by one. How do they have the focus to write that last line as they're being attacked (even going so far as to activate the caps lock and use all those exclamation points at the end)? Conclusion: I"m sorry, but this story is going to need a lot of work if you're planning on making an appeal. In its current form, there are formatting, capitalization, punctuation, wording, and grammatical issues. On top of that, there are issues with the plot itself that will likely require re-writing a large portion (if not all) of the story. I suggest using the Writer's Workshop if you do plan on revising this as you spent multiple days writing this and have overlooked quite a lot of issues. Best of luck with your writing. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 13:58, October 31, 2018 (UTC)